How to Avoid Annoying Your Friends on Facebook

15 Jan


Everyone has them! Those 4 or 5 friends (I’m being nice) who’s Facebook status you just skip over because you already know what it will say, or at least you can bet money on what it is and the odds are forever in your favor. Don’t get me wrong, most of us are guilty of many of these nuisances, but making virtual soup slurping a frequent occurrence is what makes people want to go “accidentally” knock the spoon out of your hand. I love slurping my soup by the way, but we’re not talking about me. Here’s a few tips on how to avoid annoying your friends (meaning me).

1. Don’t detail your entire day.
We don’t need to know what time you got up, went to work, ate breakfast, who you ran into, time you went to lunch, how many papers you filed, how many people you called, when you got off work, got in your car, got home, how bad traffic was, what you’re doing tonight and who with, what time you went to bed, and how long you slept. Sorry, was that too much information? Exactly.

2. Save the drama for your momma.
People need prayer. Never hesitate to ask for help. We get it. What I’m talking about are those who light up Facebook with every issue they face, whining about the people they hate, and go on and on about how miserable their life is. Have you called your mother lately? Those indirect attacks, advice, complaints, wisdom, whatever, on your ex or co-workers are being heard by exactly zero people. The only ones who care enough to comment are usually those who only want to fan the flames and of course the occasional loving grandmother. In case you were interested. I just opened a social networking site for you. It’s called Two-Facebook. Ouch!

3. Don’t share, share, share, share.
Sharing is a virtue, but too much of it on Facebook makes one’s eyes roll and head shake. It’s Facebook, not a news, satire, or video site. I enjoy reading interesting things, funny stories, news, politics, watching videos. They’re all over Facebook and is a great way to express what interests you. But, I don’t, excuse me, we don’t want to see your name 12 times sharing links before getting to another friend’s status. We’re not really signed in to read the evening news.

4. Did I say share too much? I meant update any status too much.
Petition for Facebook to limit status’ to about 5 per day. Give me a permanent ink pen. If I can actually name the people who post the most status updates without giving it a second thought, you post way too much.

5. Don’t be selfie-sh.
All the single ladies, all the single ladies, all the single ladies, all the single ladies 🎶. Some are taken ladies and a few are boys as well. Selfies. Once in a while, sure! I do. I don’t have many pictures of myself as it is and I dont post anything very often anyway. But, c’mon man! We’ve seen a hundred photographs of you in practically the same angle on different days. You’re cute. We know it. You know it. You always have been and always will be. Happy? Unless you’ve done something drastic to your appearance, we know what you look like!

6. Don’t be duped.
There are lots of faux news articles on satire websites and too many people believe them and share them. First, do yourself a favor and quickly research the website or the story to see if it’s true before posting a link, you look silly if you dont. Then, do us a favor and don’t share the link. You look silly if you do.

7. Don’t be the super-duperly (made that word up just now) proud parent.
I love posting pictures of my munchkins! And so should you. This isn’t for you. This one is for those  who feel the urge to let people know every time that the little person in the picture that you did not post is your kid or your grandkid. Control yourself. The necessity to say “that’s my child” or “I love my grandkids!” is like, yeah, you told us the last 10 photos. I like seeing photos of my kids that other’s take when I’m not around. And occasionally I will give props where props is due, namely, me for making them. But I don’t feel the need to comment on my family’s picture postings of my offspring… the fact… that they… are indeed... MY kids!

Think before you post. Hope this has helped some of you become a more upstanding Facebook citizen. More importantly, as you excel in posting un-annoying Facebook status’, I hope they help me out.

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Posted by on January 15, 2015 in Humor, Rants


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